Opinions differ when it comes to Chinese etiquette. In many laowais’ eyes, China is a country filled with rich culture, traditions and customs that have been celebrated for centuries. Though in modern China, there remains a veil, sometimes it is thin and hard to see. Indeed, what most commonly seen when stepping out of the plane is what is regarded as rude in the west such as people littering, spitting and disregard queuing in public place. Things do not get better even when it comes to dinner table where you think you can quietly enjoy your meal but try desperately to say as much as you can before swallow.
However, there is an intricate etiquette system in China that has developed over several centuries, and it is vital to understand it during your business trip in Guangzhou, China.
1. Miànzi (面子) – Saving Face
Saving face is a complicated system of shame and stature measurement. It is the most valuable thing to have “face” and losing face is considered by some as a cause of great anguish. It is better not to risk a situation where a Chinese lose face, even it conflicts with what you think. It could make a bad situation into a much worse one if you shout at, overt disagreement with or general demeaning behavior towards Chinese people as these would make them lose face in public.
2. Guānxi (关系) – Relationship
Guanxi can be directly translated into “relationship” or “connection”. It is not how you are matters, but who you know rings truer in China than most places. Sometimes the most qualified candidate has nothing to do with capabilities as long as he has large amount of “guanxi”. From going to top university to getting a new job in the government, usually the decisive factor is how much guanxi you have.
3. Kèqì (客气) – Gesundheit!
Generally Chinese people strive for modesty or humbleness that has been cultivated for centuries. On the street you can easily hear the phrase “bu ke qi” or “bu yong xie” quite a lot as these are appropriate responses to “xie xie/thank you”.
4. Addressing People
Addressing people in the right way is not an easy task for foreigners first time coming to China as it is made doubly hard by language barriers together with how they look at names in English. In China the family comes first and then comes given name.
Unless you are familiar with them, it is better to address them by following ways.
For example, Huang Mei Xin, it is better to address her as “Miss Huang”, if you are familiar with her, then you can address her as Meixin. This is the way to address the young.
5. Intimacy
Though young people in China are much open to physical interactions, but traditional society still prevails. Get “Embracing Chinese” away from your must do list. It is ok to shake hands but usually embrace or kiss is better to be crossed off.
Chinese are much more reserved than Westerners. If you are dating a Chinese, be sure to consider the culture difference.
6. Yes Maybe No
A good rule of thumb in Chinese dealings is “Yes = Maybe, Maybe = No, and No is uncommon at best.”
The following are some examples:
Yes=Maybe
Laowai: “Let’s go out for dinner tomorrow”
Chinese: “Yes”
Then tomorrow the Chinese friend you dated probably have forgotten what she said. Sometimes “yes” means “maybe” or just a way to show she is listening to you.
Maybe = No
Laowai: “I like this style of shoe, but do you have it in size 11?”
Chinese: “Maybe”
Directly following this the salesperson will leave the shop and begin asking all adjoining shops if they’ve got the shoes for the mammoth of a foreigner in their store. Usually they’ll come back with a pained expression and an assortment of other shoes for you to try, all size 9 or less.
No is just not said
Chinese seldom say “no/bu”, instead, they say “not yes/bu shi”, which is regarded as an indirect way of saying no. For comfort’s sake, Chinese tend to say no indirectly unless the situations are so extreme that you would not be so direct to say “no”.
For foreigners this can really be depressed and inefficient, but on the contrary, sometimes foreigners are also considered brutish for forcefulness and being too direct.
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